Melfice Messiah
by Kount Xero
Summary: Melfice Messiah is a play done by Kount Xero, first shot in humor and Grandia II, written on my dad's laptop. Melfice is the messiah of Granas but since Granas is DEAD things don't look good. R and R please!
1. Default Chapter

MELFICE MESSIAH by Kount Xero  
  
Intro:"Granas Lust"  
  
(stage set as a ruined Granas temple or a whorehouse, not much difference anyway. Dim lights, and Ryudo the Geohound enters)  
  
Ryudo: Hey!(looks around) Heey! Where the hell are you? Look, I'm warning you, I will not tolerate such thing! Ye shall be purified!!!  
  
Selene(backstage):Hey! That was my line, fool!!!  
  
Ryudo:Shut up! I am the actor here!(coughs) Anyways, is there anyone in this ruined temple? (Dramatic voice) Or is it only the haunted spirits of the dead that hear my words?  
  
(Enter Elena, in her usual outfit. Hey wait. Since WHEN does it include minimal clothing!?)  
  
Elena(melodramatic voice):Ryudo, the love of my life, the only piece of pure light that is left to me from Granas! (hugs Ryudo and whispers)There's a dark spot here, they forgot to shade light on it. Let us French it out.  
  
Ryudo(anime sweat drop):Elena, we're on stage!(To the audience) Ahem, what is it that has brought you here O holy Songstress Of Granas?  
  
Elena(OVERRATEDLY dramatic):Oh!(holds hear forehead) Oh, it is those news of the uprising messiah that shadows my lonely, lusty- oops! I mean. crusty heart!  
  
Ryudo(confused):And thy heart is where thee shall be, with Romeo!  
  
Elena:Swear not by the- wait wait!(sighs)Aight, something has been bugging me to death, that's why I'm here, okay!?  
  
Ryudo(still confused, acting like he is not):I see, Songstress.  
  
Elena(looking daggers at Ryudo):Mistress!!!  
  
Ryudo:Mis- hey wait! You are the innocent Sister Of Granas, Elena! Behave yourself!  
  
Elena(fluttering eyelashes):Oh? (lusty, dramatic voice) So will the cruel, heartless Geohound satisfy. I mean, violently sever the needs of this poor little Sister Of Granas?  
  
Ryudo:Fine, fine. But only till Millenia comes.(they disappear into the dark corner, then, suddenly, a bra flies out.)  
  
(Enter Millenia in a Xena outfit, bloody sword in hand)  
  
Millenia(angry voice):Thou foul villains that left me in bed, alone at night! Where the hell are you Ryudo!? I'm gonna cut off your dumbstick for abandoning me!!!  
  
Elena(from the dark corner):Hey, watch it!  
  
Ryudo:Look, Elena, I can't get in it if you move like that!  
  
Millenia(pointing at the spot light manager):And Valmar said, let there be light! No wait, Valmar couldn'tve said that!  
  
Zera(backstage):Oh, he can, for he is the true GOD!!!  
  
Millenia:Shut up!(to the spot light manager) LIGHTS, YOU IGNORANT PEASANT, LIGHTS!!!  
  
(lights come on Ryudo and Elena, kissing, half-naked)  
  
Elena&Ryudo:WHAT THE HELL!?  
  
Millenia(Devilish smile):Let us bring this first sign of the Upcoming Messiah!(waits, nothing happens)I SAID LET US BRING THE FIRST SIGN OF-( a sandbag falls to her side) HOLY!!! No wait, UNHOLY!!!  
  
Elena:It is but a sign of the messiah, that is about to bless us with it's light!!!  
  
Ryudo:Elena, can you let me pull out, it's getting disturbing over here!  
  
Elena&Ryudo&Millenia:And Granas lust shed on our bodies, Messiah is coming, he will soon be. Umm. Bloodied?(they look at each other)  
  
Millenia:You suck at rhyming!(smiles lustily) Though Ryudo, you do suck at other things too.  
  
Ryudo(anime sweat drop):Cut it! Let's proceed, and for Granas' sake, FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!!!  
  
(enter Zera, in clothes that symbolize agony of regret. Torn pieces of cloth, to be precise.)  
  
Zera:Insolent fools! God is omnipotent!!!  
  
Ryudo:It's..  
  
Millenia:ZERA!!!  
  
Elena:Oh he's ugly! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!  
  
(they run out, leaving Zera alone)  
  
Zera:Heh heh. And the director would not give me the role of the messiah. No matter. I will straighten things to my own taste!!!(beat, no applause comes)  
  
Zera:Fine.(leaves. Lights go out. End of Intro) 


	2. Attack Of The Wierdos

"MELFICE MESSIAH"  
  
The Action:"Attack Of The Wierdos"  
  
Scene One:"The Phantom Menace"  
  
(Scene is set at Garlan Villiage Inn, where our heroes happened to have PROMISED to meet after five years or so. Sounds familiar, eh?)  
  
(The music comes on, then it stops. Suddenly, Sonny Sandoval rushes onto stage alongside with Marcos Cruiel, Traa Daniels and Noah Bernardo Jr.)  
  
Sonny:ONE TWO THREE FOUR!!!  
  
(They start abusing their instruments)  
  
Sonny:WITHOUT JAH, WITHOUT JAH WHATCHU SAYIN NOTHIN, CAUSE WITHOUT JAH THERE COULD BE NOTHIN, WITH-OUT-JA-NOTHIN-NOTHIN!!!  
  
(Suddenly, Tio comes on, drags P.O.D. off the stage.)  
  
(Enter Ryudo, wearing the clothes of Neo(Thomas A. Anderson), alongside with them sunglasses and all.)  
  
Ryudo:Now, I was told to meet the Oracle here. No wait!(touches his headphones) No, hang on. (bends to the headphone set) What? Oh ,aight.  
  
Ryudo(dramatic voice):The heart of this lonely Geohound is filled with burdens too heavy to hold.  
  
(Elena RUSHES in, wearing latex leather clothes. The outfit of a Mistress Of Granas. I mean, Songstress)  
  
Elena:GEOHOUND!? WHERE!?  
  
Ryudo(dramatical voice):Oh, it is the Songstess Of Granas, the light of my life(aside) About damn time, I was getting anxious to begin our "session".  
  
Elena(bored):Oh, you again? Ryuod, are you not tired of severing the needs of a Songmistress Of Granas?  
  
Ryudo(whisper):This is where we were supposed to meet, with the gang, remember?  
  
Elena:So we can get the gang to bang together?  
  
Ryudo(aside):She's both lusty AND idiotic!(To Elena)Elena, O Songmistress, do you remember not that this was the place we were supposed to meet?  
  
Elena:So we can go public with it and all?(giggles)  
  
Ryudo(anime sweat drop):SO WE CAN REMEMBER THE OLD TIMES!!!  
  
(Enter Zera, wearing those torn pieces of cloth. Agony of regret, remember?)  
  
Zera:Did someone say old? Because I happen to be-(sentence cut as the Prop Manager rushes inside and drags Zera off, cause the idiot was off the script again)  
  
(Enter Roan, wearing the royal clothes of the Cyrum King. Of course it is the outfit of the Cyrum King, how else can you explain it being only shoes, the cape and a thong!? It's a ROYAL thong, get it?)  
  
Roan:Mister Ryuuuuuuuuudo, Mistress Eleeeeeeeeeeeenaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!  
  
Elena:Oh My Granas! It is Roan!!! My favourite to- boy, I mean!(hugs Roan)  
  
Ryudo:Got out of lollipop lane, kid?  
  
Roan:Yah. But I still can't move my jaw without hurting, cause in lollipop lane. Y'know.  
  
Ryudo(anime sweat drop):I wouldn't!!!  
  
(Enter Millenia, in her usual, Xena outfit and a bloody sword.)  
  
Millenia(since she's the only to remember the script):I came upon this inn wherein we had taken our oath to. Nah, just forget it. Hey, I'm here, where are the cute guys?  
  
Ryudo:Hey Millenia, over here!!!  
  
Millenia:ROAN!!!(hugs Roan TIGHT!!!)  
  
(They sit down to a table the Prop Manager just had set up.)  
  
Ryudo(melodramatic voice):Oh. If only Mareg was here with us.  
  
(Enter MAREG!!!)  
  
Mareg:GROOOOOOOOOOOoowlll. Howl howl, wind!  
  
(He still has his hair done Tina Turner style, and that huge axe is on his back, which makes him walk like a hunchback)  
  
All:*GASP*  
  
Ryudo:IT IS A GHOST!!!  
  
Millenia:IS IT A BIRD!?  
  
Roan:IS IT A MAN WHICH HAPPENS TO BE MUCH LIKE A LION-WOMAN HYBRID!?  
  
Elena:NO, IT'S-  
  
All:DA GHOST OF MAREG!!!  
  
Scene Two:"Purification(Translation: Cremation)"  
  
Mareg(voice going thin and thick):I have come back to this place, for it's smell reminds me of my heart which I should not forget to activate!  
  
Roan:Hey, wait a second-  
  
Mareg:Cause yesterday I saw a kitten, and we had ice cream together, we then shared the cone of it, but my heart was not functioning, so I had to sacrifice the cat to Lucifer afterwards.  
  
Ryudo:Tio!!!(sighs. Aside) Damn. I wish the script had more intellectuality in it, just like Sex And The City did, you know.  
  
Tio:I am Mareg.  
  
Elena: You may prove your function just as well as Mareg, you know. Cause men or woman, I do not care when it comes to-  
  
Roan(remembering the script, bout damn time):Singing! Miss Tio, I am so glad you joined us.  
  
Tio:Heart activated.(slaps Roan)YOU LEFT ME ALONE ON THAT INN ROOM YOU PIMP!!!  
  
Millenia:So, where is. . . Tio?  
  
Prop Manager(poor guy):I am here.  
  
(Enter TIO, actually the Prop Manager, wearing Tio's outfit, larger in size, of course. Wig inverse, the hoops in hand, but legs hairy, shows who he is)  
  
Ryudo:Ummm . . . Tio, I am glad you could join us.  
  
Tio:The SMELL of her is like that of an angel!(dramatic voice)Let us begin our feast on HUMAN FLESH!!!  
  
Ryudo:Let us discuss the matters at hand.  
  
Prop Manager(trying desperately):I do not understand. What does "kiss" mean?  
  
Millenia:Kissing where?  
  
Elena:STOP IT!!! FOCUS!!!(Slams her fist on the table) So, we defeated Zera-  
  
Ryudo:What do you mean 'we'? I busted MY ass to defeat that moronic Pipe Of Granas!  
  
Roan:We got Tio laid-  
  
Prop Manager:I do not understand.  
  
Tio:We ATE!(she IS into the role of Mareg, huh?)  
  
Millenia:And YOU, hid Granasaber. (she DOES remember the script, ergo, melodramatic voice) And the news of the messiah coming to the surface of the earth shows signs of darkness up in the skies!  
  
(Music, HIM:"Your Sweet 666")  
  
(Enter Selene, wearing the Ku Klux Klan robes, and with a burning cross in hand)  
  
Selene:I shall 'purify' the entire village for spreading the news on the messiah!!! Ye shall be purified!  
  
Zera(backstage):GIVE 'EM HELL!!!  
  
Tio:GRRR!!! Her SMELL is disgusting! I HATE Escape brand perfumes!!!(grabs the HUGE ASS AXE)  
  
Selene:Ye shall be purified! Pu-ri-fied!!!  
  
(Suddenly, the backstage curtains fall, revealing METALLICA, Perfoming the song, "Purify")  
  
James Hetfield:PURIFYYYY! OOOH, WON'TCHU HELP MEEE? YEAAAH!!!  
  
(Crowd rushes onto stage, and this sea of humans grab Metallica and fall back to the depths of the backstage.)  
  
Selene(bruised):I will. Ahh, screw it!  
  
(Enter Zera, wearing them cloth)  
  
Zera:May I?  
  
Elena:OH NO!!!  
  
All:IT'S THE ASS-FACE ZERA!!!  
  
Scene Three:"Them Trick Prophets Come Around"  
  
Zera:ASS-FACE!? LOOK, THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!!!  
  
(a terrible pause)  
  
Millenia(pulling together):Ahem. So was suffering on the otherside in the agony of regret been a sufficient lesson for you, Zera!?  
  
Ryudo:Shit, MAN! Them sunglasses were a thousand pieces of them shiny gold! Now my entire outfit is RUINED!!!  
  
Elena(cold voice):What are you doing here, o Pipe of. Hahahahahaha!!!!(laughs her ass off, to cut it short) Pipe of Granas? Limp biscuit, you moron!!!  
  
(Fred Durst(when will this end?) rushes onto stage)  
  
Fred Durst:Yo, I'm here.  
  
Selene:Purify ye!!!  
  
Tio(Adjusting her Tina Turner wig):Hmm. The SMELL is of them trick prophets that come back around, y'knowwhatI'msayin?  
  
Ryudo:Man! Roan's gonna kill me when he finds out I smashed them glasses!!!  
  
Fred Durst:So what's been goin on, here in this hot spot? Playmates be comin round, huh?  
  
Zera:If you let me explain-  
  
Selene:Purify up yer ass!!!  
  
Millenia(dramatic voice):The messiah is coming. It's darkness shed upon the light of the day.  
  
Ryudo(gets carried away):The clearness of sunrise, it will shatter and fade.  
  
Elena(tags along):Oh, the light I have fought for all these years will fade away from me.  
  
Roan:And my people will be but slaves to the darkness itself...  
  
Tio:The sun will fall just like the old of the herd should die.  
  
Prop Manager:Ummm.  
  
Director(From backstage, voice shaking with HOPE):And the sun shall fall to an eternal darkness.  
  
Selene:Purified and gentle, our light will fade.  
  
Zera:And the Most High will Reign again once it.  
  
Fred Durst:YOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
(the atmosphere shatters as Fred Durst speaks)  
  
Fred Durst:Yo, is this sumthin bout them trick prophets comin around?  
  
Elena:Sure it does!  
  
Tio:Grr. The SMELL of them trick prophets reminds me of a similar SMELL I have SMELLED when I could really SMELL!  
  
(pause of stupidity)  
  
Zera:The scriptures of old speak of one power that.. Oh, what the hell, I know something bad is gonna happen, aight? Something MAJOR BAD! Like SUPER DUPER BAD!!!  
  
Millenia:Geek!  
  
Fred Durst:You ain' fun. I'm-a leavin, I gotta KEEP ON ROLLIN BABY!!!(stage dives and disappears)  
  
Ryudo:Does the old scriptures speak about the reunion of brothers?  
  
(a terrible pause, again)  
  
Ryudo:I SAID DOES THE OLD SCTIPTURES SPEAK ABOUT THE REUNION OF BROTHERS!!!  
  
(another terrible pause)  
  
Ryudo:DOES THE OLD SCTIPTURES SPEAK ABOUT THE REUNION OF BROTHERS OR DO THEY NOT!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Director:FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!(jumps off the stage set and dies in the middle of the stage)  
  
Elena:Why did that happen?  
  
Mysterious Voice:I may answer to that.  
  
Millenia:I remember that voice.  
  
Scene Four:"The Messenjah and The Messiah"  
  
(Enter Sonny Sandoval in robes)  
  
Selene:I shall purify ye, stranger!  
  
Roan:Who are you, mysterious figure?  
  
Sonny(smiles):I.  
  
(removes the robe, and Marcos, Traa, Wuv jumps off from the stage set and begin the song)  
  
Sonny:I!!! I AM THE MESSENJAH!!! I AM THE MESSENJAH!!! I AM THE MESSENJAH!!! I AM THE MESSENJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
  
Elena:Sonny, just cut it.  
  
Sonny:Yo?  
  
Millenia:Agh, do I have to do everything? The mysterious messenjah, can you tell us what news you bring of the divine intervention?  
  
Sonny:No news, just snuffin the funk here.  
  
Roan:By any chance, the horde of an invasion coming to swallow up Garlan?  
  
Sonny:Nah, just singin along, rappin the ragga blaze style, y'kno. Come on man, let's head out.  
  
(P.O.D, ladies and gentlemen!!!)  
  
Millenia:Though I do sense something terrible is about to happen, I just cannot put my finger in it.  
  
Elena:Want me to tell you where you can put your finger in?  
  
(Enter. Umm, who the hell is THAT?)  
  
Sound Officer:I bring news of the eastern shores of Silesia! The messiah is at large, roaming the lands free and unchained!  
  
Ryudo:But WHO is this MESSIAH, for Granas' Sake!  
  
(Enter MELFICE, proving a major character being dead doesn't handicap them parodies, wearing his armour and spike in the head and all)  
  
Melfice:The Messiah, is I.(smiles)Been a while, huh bro? Put it herre, man!(Ryudo gives Melfice five)  
  
Tio:GRR!!! The SMELL, the SMELL, the. umm. Smell, you know.  
  
Roan:Melfice! How come you are the messiah! The messiah of Granas should have been. Good and all, you know. Not all that evil.  
  
Melfice: I am actually a cute guy. I braid clothes, I sometimes wanna hug kittens.  
  
Sound Officer:Can we get a new director?  
  
Melfice:Waste of flesh!(draws his sword and cuts the sound officer's head off. Violence, children under the age of 18 should not read this scene)  
  
Millenia:Melfice, is your hair not gorgeous!!!  
  
Melfice:Yeah. I just happen to have this huge spike sticking out of my forehead to add to my charisma.  
  
Elena:Melfice. Dead sexy. Dead and sexy, get it?  
  
Millenia:So YOU is the Messiah?  
  
Melfice:I am. Purified of my-  
  
Slene:PURIFY!!! PURIFYYYY!!!  
  
Zera:She's having a seizure!!! EMERGENCY!!!(grabs Selene and rushes out of the stage as "PURIFFFYYYYYYYYY" echoes)  
  
Ryudo:Damn, I knew from day one Selene was off her rocker.  
  
Melfice:I am back.  
  
(a classical music of fear)  
  
Melfice:And I am.  
  
(music rises)  
  
Melfice:EVIIIIIILLLL!!!!  
  
Scene Five:"Melfice Strikes Back"  
  
(scene five, the woods around Silesia, cause they have an assload of woods. A fire in the middle, Director cooked and being eaten.)  
  
Tio:I LOVE fresh meat.  
  
Elena:So do I!  
  
Melfice:I am so glad that you have let me among you.  
  
Ryudo:Yeah, sure. (aside) I'm smelling food, and HE is not giving it to me. I will kill him for that.  
  
Millenia:Whaddup, Melfice?(aside) He is gonna have a hot date, and I am not the hot date. I will kill him for that.  
  
Melfice:Nothing. Just shinin this piece of steel on my forehead, and been hangin round, you know.  
  
Roan:Yeah, we know.(aside) He has a royal jewel somewhere and he is not giving it to me. I will kill him for that.  
  
Elena:Yeah, I mean, you were gone and all that. Dead, you know.(aside) I think he needs the touch of a woman, but the woman won't be me. I will kill him for that.  
  
Melfice:I was dead, but I got back as the part of a worn out cliché such as "The bad guy resurrecting". The author should get better in writing humour BEFORE attempting such thing.  
  
Tio:Sure thang.(aside) I SMELL his perfume, but he won't share it with me. I will kill him for that.  
  
Melfice:Yeah, I mean, goin round the places and all, still having time to be the messiah that could conquer your hearts. Anyway, shouldn't the stupid ass icon over my head show "sleep" in a ROAD SIGN fashion?(aside) They did not suspect a thing. I will kill them all.  
  
Kount Xero(From within the script):They are all acting OVERRATEDLY stupid. I will kill them for that.  
  
Elena:Damnh, I'm sleepy. I'm going to bed, Ryudo, wanna come to bed?  
  
Ryudo(anime sweat drop):No, us lonely Geohounds visit the strip clubs first.  
  
Millenia:I am SO tired and worn out of your cliché sexual metaphors, I'm gonna sleep.(lays down, alongside with everyone else)  
  
(Enter Zera, wearing a flashy outfit of entirely TRIBAL)  
  
Zera:Are they all asleep of the heavy air Valmar has given to them?  
  
Melfice:Sure thang, dawg!  
  
Zera:And we shall put our glorious plan to operation, yes?  
  
Melfice:I shall slay them all in they sleep, when dem people rejoice to Jah!  
  
Zera:Very well, I shall see the events from over the little bush over here.(turns, there is no bush, cause the prop manager is on the stage, playing Tio)  
  
Melfice:What bush?(unsheathes his sword)  
  
Zera:Umm. (spots a pot flower, what IS it doing there?) THIS bush! Proceed! (hides behind the flower)  
  
Melfice:This is going to be far easier than that idiot author could ever know. Ha ha. Melfice, changed?  
  
Millenia(jumping up):I knew from day one you were as cute and EVIL as you looked!!!(jumps on top of Melfice and starts kissing him, the armor makes a sound that can wake up a fully equipped, drunk and fast asleep ARMY, yet, no one wakes, COZ THEY FINALLY GOT THE SCRIPT!!!)  
  
Melfice:Mmmnnnhhhhah yhjhhmmh shhhmmmmy llllmmmhhh mhhh!  
  
Millenia:What did you say my love?  
  
Melfice:I said, "Millenia, you should let me!"  
  
Millenia:To undress me?  
  
The Guy Who Follows The Script(from backstage):WE LOST HER!!! EMERGENTCY!!! GET THE TRAUMA TEAM!!!  
  
Ryudo(waking up, drawing his sword. with a pencil, heh):AHA!!! A RAT!!!(attacks Zera)  
  
Millenia:Mon dieu!  
  
Prop Manager:Brain, activated, bzz.  
  
Tio:GRR!!! The SMELL is that of a dinner dish! MELFICE!!! DEMON-MAN MELFICE!!!  
  
Elena(waking up):THE WHIP!!!  
  
(a terrible pause, with sexuality in it)  
  
(then, Zera falls in. Wanna know how he plays dead? He DIES, and at that touchy, sensitive, fucked up moment, the trauma team rushes in, takes Zera and leaves)  
  
Scene Six:"Return Of The Horns"  
  
Tio:What in the name of SMELL is going in here!!!  
  
Prop Manager:SMEG!!!(noticing his WET DREAM about ELENA has made his pants go messy)  
  
(a pause, everyone looks at the prop manager.)  
  
Ryudo(thinks he is Hamlet):Dead! DA RAT IS DEAAAAD!!!  
  
Elena:Ryudo, my slave, back down. Now what is going on here!?  
  
Melfice:Nothing! I was just off for a walk.  
  
Millenia:But a HORIZONTAL walk, with moi, Wings Of Valmar.  
  
Roan(Silent boy, huh? No, actually he disappeared tru the prop elevator in the other scene):Wings with the Horns? Sounds dirty dancing to me!  
  
Elena:You know what, what-ever! Let's just go to.  
  
Prop Manager:Our location must be set out to Mirumu, wherein we shall inquire a persistent answer to our inqury.  
  
(a pause, everyone looks at the prop manager)  
  
(lights go down. LIGHTS COME UP! Everyone is a step away from where they were, no decors, no props, not even the background has changed.)  
  
Tio:GRANAS BLESS ME! THIS IS. Ahem, MIRUMU!!!  
  
(the people who should've played the people of Mirumu rushes onto the stage, a few jump off from the light sets and die)  
  
Melfice:Surroundings sure are nice.  
  
Roan: Nice people, sun, bugs, butterflies, y'know, whole nine yards of poetic sickening sweetness.  
  
Elena:Now WHERE can I get lubricant to carry my. sisterhoodly activities?  
  
Ryudo:Yo, where be the strip club!  
  
People(pointing at the crowd, get it? YOU):THERE!!!  
  
Emergency Doctor Robinson(from backstage):WE'RE LOSING HIM!!! ZERA!!! WAKE UP!!! A MAJOR ACTOR IS DYING HERRE!!!  
  
Melfice:So, o good townsfolk, I am the messiah of Granas, and I be searching for the seal-o of Granas.  
  
Prop Manager:Translation, bzz click lick, you're dead.  
  
People(confused):What? Who are you, clown?  
  
People#1(one of them NPC's):HE IS THE MESSIAH!!!  
  
People(waking up):Granas bless thee!(they bow)  
  
Melfice:So where is the seal?  
  
People(pointing at the backstage):THERE!!!  
  
Melfice:I alone should face this task, for it is in my destiny!!!  
  
Prop Manager:Click, bzz, philosophy.  
  
Roan:YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!(EVIL MUSIC, HAAR!!!)  
  
(Exit Melfice)  
  
Ryudo:Now I think he is suspicious.  
  
Millenia:I am going after him! Okay? I'm-a leavin!(exits after Melfice.)  
  
Elena:We better not let them get they hands on some warm, cozy bed!  
  
(Re-enter Melfice, with a huge, ball-shaped addition in his clothes)  
  
Roan:That was FAST!  
  
Tio:The SMELL is that of a rotten game!  
  
Prop Manager:Seal ,detected, bzz, click!(poor guy, he is desperate to act)  
  
Ryudo(points at Melfice's stomach area):What is THAT?  
  
(Enter Millenia, clothes indicating WHAT happened WITHOUT a bed)  
  
Melfice:Umm.  
  
(a pause)  
  
Melfice:I am pregnant!(what a lie. Somewhere in backstage, Zera's last words find it's life: "Fuck that shit", and it is supposed to be philosophical, heavy, shock moment, so GET SHOCKED!!!)  
  
Scene Seven:"Betrayal! Blasphemy! SHIT!!!"  
  
Roan:PREGNANT!?  
  
Ryudo:Talk about the revolution in a b-class script!  
  
Elena:I mean okay, it's a well abused cliché like yourself, Ryudo, but MELFICE?  
  
Tio:GRRR!!! Who is the SMELLY dad?  
  
Prop Manager:Impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible.  
  
Millenia :What ? YOU are pregnant !? I was the one that was supposed to be pregnant, fool !  
  
Elena:Who's the father, anyway?  
  
Melfice:Umm. Me?  
  
Ryudo:Then who's the mother?  
  
Melfice:Umm. Me?  
  
Prop Manager(man he's having a seizure, WAKE UP!!!):Impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible.  
  
Ryudo:Talk about reproducing without a female member of the species!  
  
Millenia:THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!  
  
Prop Manager:Impossible, impossible, impossible.(starts banging his head against the walls)  
  
Ryudo:Whatever! So, were the scriptures that speak about the child that is beyond the forces of nature, true?(damn, these guys can't take a step without a cliché)  
  
Melfice:What? Umm.Yeah?  
  
Roan:So it's the Messiah OF the Messiah?  
  
Elena:Father, son and holy ghost, fool! Whole nine yards of biting of religion to make a new religion!  
  
Mirumu Townsfolk 1:BETRAYAL!!!  
  
(since they said this when nothing was happening, things get a little bit surprising)  
  
Melfice:Oh, yes! (unsheathes sword and EATS the seal) I BETRAY YOU NOW!  
  
Ryudo:HOLY SHIT!!!  
  
Roan:HOLY CARRO!!!  
  
Tio:HOLY SMELL!!!  
  
Prop Manager:Impossible, smeg, impossible, impossible.  
  
Millenia:SMEG!!!  
  
Melfice:GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!(Makes a move and KILLS the prop manager, damn, he was the only decent player that was on the stage!!!)  
  
Millenia:You fatso! You ATE UP the seal!!!  
  
(EVIL MUSIC)  
  
Melfice:I march on the way to victory, so ain't nobody is gonna be killin me Like Tarantino I blast I am the evil on the road to VICTORYYYY!!!  
  
(SOMEONE wakes up and releases smoke, and Melfice disappears through the prop elevator)  
  
Millenia:BETRAYAL!!!  
  
Townsfolk:BETRAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!  
  
Roan:BLASPHEMY!!!  
  
Townsfolk:BLASPHEMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!  
  
Ryudo:SHIT!!!  
  
Townsfolk:SHI- CRAP, I MEAN!!!(they NEVER curse properly, remember?)  
  
Elena:Damn! He ran off with that nine inch horn!  
  
Ryudo:We need to follow him!  
  
Tio:I can follow his SCENT!!!( picks up the huge axe)LET US FOLLOW THIS FOUL SMELL OF RUINATION AND DAMNATION AND ALL OF THEM ATIONS!!!  
  
(they rush out)  
  
NPC 1:They aren't paying me enough for this show, it sucks!  
  
NPC 2:Shut up, just act like normal town people!  
  
NPC 3:Bring Eminem here! He's the only one who can save this show now!!!  
  
(enter Tio in the COMPLETE Mareg outfit)  
  
Tio:GRAAAAAA!!!(raises axe, children under the age of 18 should not read this sentence, cause it is extremely GORY)  
  
Doctor Robinson(backstage):THE ELECTRIC! THE SOURCE!!! GIVE ME THE POWER GENERATOR!!! MAYBE WE CAN SAVE ZERA!!!  
  
(Lights get CUT!!!)  
  
Scene Eight:"The Real Villian Melfice"  
  
(enter Selene!!!)  
  
Selene:HEY YO!!!( response doesn't come) Y'ALL WANNA GET PURIFIED!? (translation:I'm off my rocker)  
  
(enter Melfice)  
  
Melfice:Ahh, Selene, my love. My toy.  
  
Selene:Oooh, I LOVE it when you talk dirty! Zera had only one mistake, he NEVER talked dirty.  
  
(Melfice kisses Selene, they roll on the ground kissing and move over to a dark corner)  
  
(Enter Tio, covered in blood as if the TINA TURNER WIG isn't enough)  
  
Tio:I SMELL MELFICE HERRE!!!  
  
(Enter Doctor Robinson!? WHAT ON EARTH IS HE DOING THERE!?)  
  
Doctor Robinson:Dear audience, Zera is dead. Unfortunately, we lost him. Even an electric shock through the generator wouldn't wake him up. I'm sorry!!!(pulls out a gun and commits suicide!? Great, the cost is over my head!)  
  
Tio:WHERE ARE YOU MELFICE!? TAKE IT LIKE A MAN OVER HERE!!!  
  
Selene:I am taking it like a man herre!!!(translation:Melfice is. Well, R rated y'know.)  
  
Tio:AAAAAAAAAAARGGH! REVEAL THYSELF!!! MORAGOROOORRR!!! HOR HOR HOAREARRE!!!  
  
(Enter Ryudo, in his James Bond outfit)  
  
Ryudo:Tio! What are you doing? What the hell is going on here?  
  
Tio:KILL! HATE! DESTROY!!!  
  
(Enter Elena, dragging Roan, whose teeth are fixated on her half- skirt(don't say is there such thing, there is!))  
  
Elena:Ryudo! Where are you? I had to go along with Roan there!  
  
Roan:I take it as an insult! I was a good pet!  
  
(enter the man we know as Sound Manager, as Tio)  
  
Sound Manager:I do not understand. Why has Ti- I mean, Mareg gone insane?  
  
(enter Millenia, Xena outfit, still on, but worn inverse and a bra hanging from her breast plate made of stainless steel)  
  
Millenia:Great Valmar, where was Melfice gone? Ryudo, you should fill his place!(waits seductively, Ryudo doesn't even mind her)  
  
Sound Manager:I do not understand. Are actors not meant to follow the script? I mean WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BUNCH OF SHITFORBRAIN PEOPLE NOT FOLLOWING THE SCRIPT!!!  
  
Tio:KILLKILLKILLKILLKKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!(jumps off the stage, right into the crowd to start a massacre)  
  
Ryudo:DAMN!!! Why is she killing everyone in the crowd?  
  
Roan:The moon of Valmar on it's cycle affected her. And that happened coz of the messiah of Granas. Did it not?  
  
Elena:Shut up, slave! The moon of Valmar disappeared a long time ago! If you had followed the script, you would remember that we set it off at-  
  
Sonny(From backstage! Did they not push P.O.D. out?):SET IT OFF!!!  
  
Ryudo:Whatever man! We have to save the crowd!!!  
  
Melfice:HEY NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND THERE!!!  
  
(everyone stops, including Tio, who was about to slice the assistant director's head clean off)  
  
Millenia:MELFICE!!!  
  
Elena:Damnh, you were screwing Selene? Damn! She's a total slut!  
  
Melfice:I AM THE REAL VILLIAN HERE, I DO THE VILLIANY!!!  
  
Selene:Melfice, just finish what you started here!  
  
Ryudo:So it was true!? The scriptures talking about the reunion of brothers meant our clash!? So was you the one that massacred Garlan!?  
  
(everyone stops)  
  
Elena&Roan&Millenia&Sound Manager&Tio(off-stage):What? Come on, we didn't go to Garlan at all? I mean, was it something that was meant to be?  
  
Ryudo:You know, we had came to Garlan, saw the massacre, cried a lot there, then went searching for the truth and what had happened and who had did it, fought of Valmar pieces, you know!!!  
  
Selene:Damn! You talking about the scene where I purified them!?  
  
Melfice(The Real Slim Shady plays as he goes):I'm villain Melfice, I'm the only villain Melfice, all you other villain Melfices are just gibberish, so won't the real villain Melfice please stand up, please stand up, STAND THE FUCK UP I AM THE VILLIAN HERE I ATE THE SEALS, I SLEPT WITH ALL THE SISTERS OF GRANAS, I KILLED ALL THE SISTERS OF VALMAR, I BETRAYED YOU TWICE, I FUCKED UP THE SCRIPT!!!  
  
Sound Manager: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! (grabs a knife and stabs himself in the head!? Great, the only member of the maintenance team left is the guy who was responsible for the lights)  
  
Scene Nine:"Insane In The Membrane"  
  
Roan:YOU!? You have been making The Descendants Of Darkness, MY PEOPLE fight with innocent people!?  
  
Melfice:Damn! If the stupid author had maintained enough sanity to add some PLOT to this script, I would have!!!  
  
Elena:And YOU!? YOU SLEPT WITH MILLENIA, DIDN'T YOU!?  
  
Melfice:I DID!!!  
  
Selene:WHAAAT!?  
  
Tio:KILLKILLKILL!!!!(cuts the head of the assistant director!? DAMN!!!)  
  
Millenia:AND YOU!? YOU WERE THE REASON WHY I COULDN'T TURN EVIL AND COMPLETELY FUCKED UP THE SCRIPT!!!  
  
Melfice:WHAT? Look, first of all you sucked my-  
  
Ryudo:STOP!!! MELFICE, HOW COULD YOU!?  
  
Melfice:Look, Ryudo, Granas is DEAD, you dumbfuck, so how can I be the messiah of a DEAD GOD!? It got this way all because of Zera!  
  
Selene:Zera!? What does he have to do with all of this?  
  
Roan:I know! He was like Saruman, his death placed a kurse upon us all that made us fail this play!  
  
Ryudo:IT WOULD ALL BE BETTER IF HE HADN'T DISAPPEARED!!!  
  
Elena:DID HE DISAPPEAR!?  
  
Millenia:THEN WHERE IS HE!?  
  
Zera:Here.  
  
(everyone turns to see ZERA, alive!)  
  
Elena:EEEK!(jumps to Melfice) A GHOST!  
  
Zera:OH FINE!!! I'M SO SICK OF THE NICKNAMES, ASS-FACE, GHOST, DANDY OLD GUY, POPE OF GRANAS, FUCK IT ALL!!!  
  
Selene:Zera, can you explain why such pointless script had been written?  
  
Zera:I can! Because you see, Kount Xero thought he was too good for humour, and he could really pull it off by writing a script full of sexual jokes, overrated violence and diologues, no plot, no joke but the deaths and the sex, R and XXX rated monologues and actions, and a lot of stupid stuff.  
  
Roan:So we are all controlled?  
  
Millenia:You said it, brat!  
  
Melfice:And what about Norman!?  
  
Selene:Shut up!!!  
  
Zera:And now, is the final moment wherein I appear the one to blame for everything!!! I CREATED THE SCRIPT!!! I MADE MELFICE MESSIAH! MY GOAL IS THE REVIVAL OF ANOTHER BAD FICTION!!!  
  
(steps onto the prop elevator, starts to go down)  
  
Ryudo(acting as if he is in slow motion):NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
  
Elena:Oh, cut it out! He's right there! GET HIM!!!  
  
(everyone jump onto Zera and disappear through the prop elevator.)  
  
(Curtains close)  
  
(No applause)  
  
(No reviews either) 


	3. The Summary Of THe Play and Author's Not...

"MELFICE MESSIAH"  
  
Outro:"Kount Xero Is A Failure In This Fiction, He Sucks Too Much Like Pamela Anderson And Stuff"  
  
Estimated Audience:55 in a 60 people lounge  
  
Audience That Was Present:19 in a 100 people lounge  
  
Casualties: Prop Manager, Sound Manager, Director, Assistant Director, Mareg(he was already a casualty)17 of the actual audience, Zera Innocentius, Tio(crushed in the struggle to kill Zera)  
  
Sense of Humour:Zero.  
  
The Note Of The Author:Well, here you go. This was supposed to be funny and stuff, but probably you aren't even reading this shit. I really wanted to be a funny guy in fanfics, but DARKNESS! IMPRISONING ME!!! And likewise is what my life is like so excuse me.  
  
If I was back at home, rather than working on my dad's laptop, it might have been better.  
  
If you did read this far, CONGRATULATIONS, because you may be as kind as to review this too!  
  
Respect is everthing. -Kount Xero 


End file.
